A Story Designed to Keep You In............ Sus....pence

With all of this talk of new media, and jumping on the podcast bandwagon, I can't help but be reminded of my strange affair with broadcasting. Today, I present to you, the elongated, unabridged journey of one boy and his radio.

I remember clearly the ceremony where I was presented with a great radio award. It was sort of the culmination of my work, and everything sort of went down hill from the point on. It was some sort of major, hey you wrote and produced these great things, and we your peers think you are just the bee's knees, or possibly the cat's pajamas, or maybe even the hooker's.....uhmmmm something or other.

I was interviewed for a trade publication after the award and was asked the predictable question. Why did you get in to broadcasting?

It isw one of those expected, inane questions that really requires no thought at all, but since I am not overly bright, I took a few moments to reply. In that time, this is what flew through my head.

Clearly I can remember not wanting to be in the living room with my parents. They would drink and smoke pot and say stupid things, or do things that made me uncomfortable. I needed a place to go so I could be away from them.

It was at that point in my life where toys were having less and less meaning that I discovered something wonderful and magical.

I was routinely breaking in to my uncle's room while my parents drank the night away. My uncle was rarely home, and he was a coke fiend at the time, so he would never really notice anything.

I discovered so many wonders in his room. One of those wonders was a short wave radio. While it had two sw bands, it also had fm and am bands.

I started to play around with the nobs and dials until something incredible happened. I heard hockey. You mustn't misunderestimate the joy this can bring a Canadian boy.

I discovered that there was a place to find hockey games that weren't on the television. This of course neing the dark ages before 24 hour sports networks, when not every game was televised.

What I found out was that while not every game was televised, every game was on the radio. I was over joyed. I started listening every chance I got.

Eventually I realised my clock radio would also pick up these wonderful sounds.

This is when I first fell in love with radio. It would get worse before it got better. As winter gave way to spring, something else happened. Baseball season. Turns out, ever damn baseball game was on the radio. Ever night, and weekend afternoon, I could escape to my room, read a book and listen to the radio. Listen to Tom Cheek and Jerry Howerth, Tom and Jerry, call the blue jays games.

I found refuge. A found a place where I could be myself, and not have to worry about my parents, not have to be frightened. I could enjoy the world of my books, and be entertained at the same time.

Then something even crazier happened.

One Sunday night, I was scanning the dial, looking for something desperately because I couldn't sleep. Then I heard something. Laughter. Bill Cosby. George Carlin. It was the Sunday Funnies on CHUM FM, with that weird dude from the morning show, Rick something. Oh man this was sweet. The best comedians of all time doing some of their signature bits. A whole hour of comedy just for me when I couldn't sleep on a Sunday night. For the first month or two I would fall asleep to Bill Cosby talking about his brother, George Carlin talking about how stupid we all are, Howie Mandel would actually go out on stage and make fun of people.

One week though, it wasn't enough to put me to sleep. I was still wide awake when it was over, and I thought my life was gonna suck. I was going to have to listen to Katrina and the Waves, or some sort Egyptian calisthenics tune.

I was so very wrong.

Right after the funnies came a show called Theater of the Mind. It was old time radio, from back when TV didn't exist. It was the lone ranger, The Shadow, Suspense, The whistler, Mysteries of the Unknown, X Minus 1. And sometimes even the funny ones, like Jack Benny, or some other misogynistic, racist show.

I was enthralled. It truly was theater of the mind. It was my books come to life. I could close my eyes and watch the show. Escape to whole new worlds.

For me, radio became a whole new world. An exciting place of magic, mystery, and appearent wife beatings.....seriously, in the 40's if a woman annoyed you, you could slap her around. I am glad we are not in the 40's.

This was a strange world where there were no parents to make me feel small, no kids to make me feel weak or ashamed of being so disfigured. There were no teachers calling me stupid, no girls laughing at me.

There were funny people to make me laugh. Great athletes to make me Cheer. Wicked men and women to make me jeer. Hot dames. Smooth talking gents. Fast skaters, home run hitters. There were monsters and demons, pussycats and caped avengers.

All of this was being piped in to my head, where I could smile, close my eyes and drift to sleep, confident that I could dream sweet dreams of justice, and peace, where everyone laughed and got the girl.

I never had a nightmare on a Sunday night, I never felt alone on a Saturday afternoon.

Of course, while all of this zoomed through my head, I couldn't say any of it. I couldn't tell her I wanted to be part of the magic box team.

All I said was....

I got in to radio to meet hot chicks.







I am really excited to try and bring some of that magic box to the new technology, so while you may not be jazzed about my podcast, or think it is all that cool, let me tell ya mister, or missy, I am proud to carry on the tradition of making great things come out of the magic box.