I have to admit that I almost want to watch to and a half men. I say this because ChaSheen appears to be having the most epic donward spiral in the history of meltdowns.
The guy is like a god to me...and him.
On a certain level I wish I could melt down like him. Just completely obliterate my world, say the most insane things and still have millions of dollars and pornstars to bring me iced tea.
My hope would be that the show is as entertaining as what is going on with the man. I am told that generall speaking this new character he is playing in real life is a lot like the television character... just to a higher degree.
I find it comforting that he, like me, is living louder than he is playing on tv. I wish I could be even louder.
Not in a crazy way so much as in just a living large way. I don''t ant this to be another I have a dream post, those are annoying even to me; but, I do want to get something off my chest.
Over the last 24 hours I have been thinking about what I want out of this whole blog/internet presence thing.
I have always had that feeling like I do not belong, like my life is somehow not what it could have or should have been. I have felt like there was something more.
Like thousands of douchenozzles on the internet, I am always saying I could make better shos than they are churning out of hollyood. I am alays impuning the skills and intellect of others, but I am still sitting here typing away on a cheep laptop with no real ambition.
I thought I was going to start this blog thing and get some bullshit local fame, maybe publish a book, get a few people interested.
It never occured to me that no one ould be interested in what I had to say. It has been almost a year or so since I started this project and I am no further a head.
I know some of it has to do with my side trip down pathetic lane and a meander over to manic depressive boulevard.
That being said, I thought I could accomplish more.
I got off track somewhere and stopped posting fiction... you kno, the stuff I was supposed to be doing all along. This was supposed to be a place to showcase my talents. Instead it became an open journal to hich I poured my lack luster ramblings. This has to change.
It is one thing to feel like there is more to this life than just merely marking time, it is another to stand up and shout from the rooftops that I am here world, take me serious.
I ant more than I have. I ant more than I deserve sometimes, and we all know I want what I can't have, but alas there must be someway for me to get a little piece of my pie.
I need to take this more seriously.
To that end, I am going to write.
I am going to write something every day, no matter what it is, or how much effort it takes. It may be crap, or it may be genius, but frankly it seems hypocritical for me to criticize while not actually doing anything.
So here we go again. A serious attempt.
I am going to write, and I am going to submit. I am going to attempt to get my stuff out there. I am getting to old to wait, so I think it is time to get off the pot and get this party started.
Hang on folks, because we just got to the crazy part of the ride.
I am either going to flame out like Charlie or I am going to Rise Above it like a Pheonix.
Wish me luck and tell all your friends!
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