So what did we learn yesterday? We learned that you actually don't get to choose who you are. There are a multitude of factors that comprise you identity, none of which are choices. I could dazzle you with my psycho bablle and explain to you the effects of your biopsychosocial framework on your identity, but I think it is safe to assume that I actually do know what I am talking about, after all, I used biopsychosocial framework in a sentence.....properly.
But wait, could we not choose which parts of our identity, of the self to display. Without going in to the ways in which the ego, id and superego interact...to a certain extent yes. But what else did we learn yesterday? That we do this all the time, and it is pointless, so let's move on.
Part 2 of our 5 part series on how to be you is all about figuring out how to find your identity. If we remove choice from the equation, then we must now look at a way to figure the whole thiing out.
Like I said yesterday, choice would make this so much simpler. Wouldn't it be great if I could choose to be a nice person? Oh the money would roll right on in then.
Instead, we are stuck with searching our own souls for our identity...or at least the dorkstick in the mirror.
What aspects make up identity, maybe we should start there.
Personality? Self Image? Activities? Actions? Desires?
Yeah I like those criteria. They seem doable, and not to far out there on the new agey limb. That limb is tough to stay on because there is a white guy in a dashiki who smells like pecculi chanting self help mantras while doing the downward facing dog. It is unsafe for most people. Where's my Enya?
Ok wait, where was I? Oh right, personality.
What the freak is personality anyway? Is it the culmination of the way in which we see the world, and thus treat it? Is it defined by our nature and what ways we choose to preseent ourselves to the world?
Okie dokie, I can handle that.
I am a sarcastic bastard. Really, I hadn't noticed.
I sometimes find myself playing nice with others when I don't want to. They bother me, but I cling to them for some sort of comfort. Then I am all sarcastic. It makes my head hurt sometimes.
I also have this, shit happens world view, which causes me to not react emotionally to situations not involving bitches and whores....did I say that out loud? Anyway, the point is, I am oone of those melodramatic fools, no doubt about it...wait, that is lame pop grunge, not a real statement.
What this world view does is force me to use humour as every type of weapon/defense mechanism in the book. It is also what makes me both fun at parties and a great person to have around when the bio waste hits the oscilating cooling device. I just don't gfet stressed out when limbs fall off or people are running around trying to solve an emergency.
To sum up, I am a thoughtless jerk most of the time, but hey, nobodies perfect. I mostly just like to play with people and say stuff just to watch them react. It is fun for me.
Self Image. I'd like to skip this one, but I am not going to. Oh, I should explain at this point, I am doing this for myself to show you how it is done and perhaps my brass ones might lead you down the road of self discover too.
Self image is, give or take, the person you see in the mirror, and the person you think of when someone says your name. This is how you describe you to you, and then how you project that to the world.
Some days I like the man in the mirror, and somedays I see him as a fat loser. I guess this is mostly because I give too much power to the outside world, but what the heck, gotta give them some power sometime, or I would just internalize everything, and that sounds like a horrible idea.
I also see myself as not overly worth other people's time. This is a confidence issue which often leads to me not being worth people's time.
I am done with this one because it makes me feel bad.
I would like to point out though, today, I am having a good mirror day. I just thought I looked good. A large, strong person with style and a bit of a quirky personality. My face was not ugly, but full of interest and character.
Yay, good mirror day.
Activities are the things you enjoy doing. While we are not always defined by our hobbies and interests, they certainly add to the mosaic...oh there's a new agey term....I need more whey protein, and a damn soy based beverage.
What can I say, I am a geek. I like Star Wars. I can quote Star Wars. I can quote people who quote Star Wars. I own Fanboys. I have Star Wars minatures.
I game. Both electronically, and table top...ily.
I also love music.
Pop culture is funny to me, and I like to make fun of it...non stop. I could sit in Darryl's basement listening to Bluegrass (I really dislike bluegrass btw) laughing at youtube videos and discussing the downfall of civilization for the rest of my life and only desire some fresh food and water every once and a while.
I am also in to sports. I always have been. I love baseball, like hockey, and am interested in Footbal...mainly for the napping value.
I think the point I am making is, I don't give a crap about purses, bracelets, your boyfriend, what so and so said to you, or any of what you are doing with your hair now. If it doesn't have a batting average, Thaco (woot for the old school dandd reference, a touchdown to interception ratio, a beat you can slice people's heads off to, or failing that, dance to; then I am not the least bit interested in it.
Those are my interests and hobbies...oh did I mention I like to press buttons. I really don't care what kind of warning labels appear above, below, beside, or even on them. My desire to press them and see what happens is overwhelming. I do this with people too. It makes it hard to actually be my friend. I am guess only one person who is reading this actually knows these things about me and is laughing a bit about it. I can be a hard person to be friends with.
Actions differ from activities because I am defining actions as the things you do, not because you like them, but because you have to. They are your behaviours. The way yu act around other people. This also differs from your personality to some degree because, these are the ways you actually act, not the way you want to act.
You may have nboticed some of my descriptions included actions, and that is sort of the way actions work. They are sprinkled in to all the other categries. The only thing I can think of about my actions that stands out on their own is maybe the way I scowl in public. I like to make people stand apart from me and think I am unapproachable. This is a carry over from the street.
Lastly, we have the ever important desires.
I desire to help people. Sometimes, the cynic in me, says I like this, or desire to do this because it makes me feel better about all the ways I hurt people in the past. The optimist (a rarely seen figure in my clothing) likes to think it is because I have an enlightened world view and see this as a shattered world that needs everyone working together to make it whole again. I eel good when I help people, and that is all that matters. The who what where when why of it is just window dressing for psychoanalysts to chew on...mmmm mixed metaphorical statements taste like slimy.
I desire companionship. There is nothing I hate more than being alone. It drives me bonkers. I need company. Even if it is just knowing someone is nearby. I have felt broken and alone so much of my life that I just can't stand it anymore.
I desire sex. Yes, that's right, I loves me some sex. The sex is great. It really is. I like every aspect of it, esspecially the closeness and oneness of the whole deal.
I think now you can see how my desires manifest in actions. If only I wasn't paranoid of people and completely mistrustful of their motivations. That is my maladaptive behaviour, and while I would love to sit here typing about it, that is not what this is about. This is about positive things, not the things that are a bummer about each and every one of us.
If we roll all of that together in to a neat package, we start to get an idea of my identity. Who I am, what I stand for, what people can expect from me, how losery I am. Wanna know how bad I am? I actualy have a file folder on my computer full of my interests called losery. It makes me smile.
Now you try it.
As of day two, we have learned that identity is not something you can choose, nor is it easy to define. We have learned you can highlight aspects, or closet some of them, but in the end, you are who you are.
I wonder how many people who think they are my friend are now realising that I have suppressed me when dealing with them. How many friends realise I am not me around them because they would not accept me. I am no longer interested in hiding that, just as I am no longer interested in hiding that I am smart. I may not be able to type well, spell, do math, or draw, but I am friggin smart. I don't want to sound conceited, but there are very few rooms I have ever been in where I was not the smartest one in the room.
In the catagory of be careful what you wish for, I present to you, me. You all said be me. Well here I am. You should be you to, see how ar that gets you in life.
Tomorrow we will discuss chocolate and the amazing Boris Karloff.
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