Exlax

So, I am constipated. I have severe blockage. I have no access to the creative portion of my mind.

I even went back to old stuff to see if there was anything there for me to repost and cheap out on you today. There was nothing.

To a certain extent, it is frightening for me to be locked up like this. Generally, I can fake it with the best of them, and no one would ever know. Right now I can't fake it.

I know what the problem is. There is one thing I want to say. It is a single thought that I want to get off my mind, but I can't. I can't say it, I can't write it because I don't know how to say it.

What do you do when you have a thought that scares you? It isn't so much that I haven't tried to say it before. The problem is, I shouldn't say it. I know it is not the time, and the time will likely never be right.

I can't figure out why I feel the way I do. I can't figure out why my head, my gut, and my heart are not in sync.

A friend of mine....ok he's not really a friend, but this guy I know talked about what it feels like when your heart, mind and soul are all in alignment. It sounded like an awesome state of being. This place where everything lines up and all seems right with the world.

Of course, there is a corresponding theory in psychology. This idea is that we are affected by three things, our thoughts, our feelings, and our actions. All of these things are effectedd by our schema, our world view and our personal mores, and beliefs. When any one of these three things is not in line with your schema, then you are now in conflict with yourself.

For example, if you think murder is wrong, feel murder is wrong, and then kill someone, you are now experiencing inner conflict. You will go off the rails on the crazy train.

So if we combine the two theories, and call the soul your gut feeling, here is conflict. I feel one way, and my brain is telling me it is not a good idea. My gut says take a chance. So my brain is locked up because I can't come to resolution.

My brain has but three ideas on how to continue. My brain wishes to effect my actions.

1. Deal. Bust it out and see what happens. There is danger here of course, but I would achieve closure on the issue one way or anouther.

2. Deny, deny, deny. Pretend it doesn't exist. Pretend it is all good, and nothing will change. This carries the danger of locking me up mentally and emotionally.

3. Break stuff, kill people, and then change everything in order to change reality.

Which do you think I should do?

I need to do something in order to get back to being productive and creative. Until I come to a decision where my actions can match my thinking and my feeling I am going to be a very lame writer, doing very lame things.

So help me. Give me an idea of where to go from here.