One Week of Blogs in One Paragraph
The week started off well with a tremendously good podcast, our best so far, and not just because Alley is insane. I also posted about what to expect when you are expecting nothing from us here at monkey headquarters. I then wrote a love letter to the amazing Alison Rosen, but she didn't respond, so that made me sad, and a little tired so I took a nap and then wrote about it.... at length. This week also marked the deathday of Kurt Cobain, so I had to respond. I then got angry and swore a little bit about stuff that frustrates me. To wrap up the week, I went ahead and broke the rules and didn't post properly according to the new schedule, but sometimes life gets in the way and there are things you just have to do... with hookers.
Monkey Messages
Musical Interlude
Once again, these are posted daily on our facebook page and can be a helpful public service. Also, once again I slacked off as life got in the way. Send Alley an email and let her know she is slacking too.
Boyz II Men - It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday. I wish this "band" hadn't died. Accapella can be powerful, and this is a good example of it.
Nirvana - Aneurysm. This is one of my favourites. It has always been that way because it is classic grunge. This is the part we play soft, this is the part we play heavy. Third verse, same as the first. It also has a powerful hook, and easy to understand lyrics about a single emotion that drags you kicking and screaming in to the light of not feeling in control, and feeling like someone else has the upper hand over your emotions.
Hoobastank - Crawling In The Dark. Life can be a rough thing, and searching for reason, for a solution to the darkness can be all consuming. It is the basis for religion, and it pervades our souls. This is a pretty powerful tune about that state of being.
Weekly Nirvana
This is the best video of theirs by far. I think it captures the way Kurt felt about things. So awkward and out of place it makes you cringe. It fits the emotion of the song perfectly, even if the lyrics are a bit jumbled. If you want to understand how a person who just wanted to make art feels about the people who hated him growing up loving him now just listen to this.
Podcast Of The Week
This was a tough decision. Last week I discussed one of the giants in podcasting, the Adam Carolla show, and I wanted to resist the urge to follow up with the same sort of thing by jumping on the Kevin Smith bandwagon. It has long been true that I am Kevin Smith's Bath House Bitch. A title given to me by the man himself, which I wear proudly. This makes it hard for me to be even slightly objective about his work.
I compromised. This week I want to focus on one of the shows on his podcast network that does not in fact feature him. Tell 'Em Steve Dave.
At first glance, this is merely a few friends getting together and bitching at each other. In many cases, that is what the show is. What struck me as interesting about it however, is the fact that these guys are all self deprecating. Instead of slamming each other, the slam themselves, and Ming Chen.
It is easy in comedy to just make fun of the other guy and watch him twist in the breeze, and they do this with Ming. What is difficult is to manage to make yourself funny, while making fun of yourself, and they all manage to do this. I am drawn to the humanity of this show, as three friends go about their business while admitting their own shortcomings. They do it in a way that doesn't ask for forgiveness, or even excusing the way they are, but they still make you like them for all their faults.
As a podcast it does hit all of the high notes. quality conversation about popculture, quality references to shared experiences, and self deprecating stories. This is essential to the new podcast paradigm. Essentially podcasting is more about character than it is about content. These fellas seem to get that and are unafraid to be characters.
What is remarkable about this podcast is how much it feels like these guys are just hanging out with us. They do some great theme shows, where they go out in public and do crazy stuff, and they also just hang out. What really captures the feeling of friends though is how much they do for their listeners. They are constantly allowing listeners on the show, planning meet ups, talking about listeners, and even providing a platform for new artists to promote their work through the show.
Those are all elements that make this a great show for people who enjoy the humanity of podcasting more than the mechanical corporatization of other media. These guys do podcasting well.
The only drawbacks may be the dirty humour. I personally enjoy their brand of humour, but it may be lost on those who seek a more.... high brow jolly. If you find the fact that they faked a contest of listeners sending in pictures of nasty toilet surprises just so they could sicken a person by forcing them to look at the unending stream of rusty brown digital snapshots hilarious then you will fit in with the TESD family. If not, might I suggest something from NPR?
All in all this is a great example of podcasting done right. They have character, they have chemistry and they have content, even when they don't. Well worth the listen each week, and well worth supporting their endeavors.
YouTube Video Of The Week
This is really everything that made YouTube great, and dare I say the internet great. It is star wars. It is cats. It is Star Wars cats.
Is there anything better? Maybe some faked nude Amidala pics.
One Monkey Toy
This is sad, but I did not play with any toys this week. Maybe that is why I am in such a bad mood. I failed to take time out of my busy schedule to just play. This is the thing that really matters in life, letting go of the grind, letting go of expected behaviours and just being a big kid. This segment has been a part of my entertainment repertoire for years. It began on a morning show in Regina, where others got to play with my toys, and continued through my entire career. I have to say that I am somewhat depressed about the fact that I have no toy prepared for today.
I can say that I have been playing with twitter a lot this week, but it seems to be a bad toy. It confuses me and is full of weird cultures I do not understand.
I am sorry there is no toy. Please send your hatemail to youmeannothingtomeandyouropinionswillnotbeheard@gojumpinthelake.com I will be sure to read each one of them and take your messages to heart.
Friend Of The Week
This week I would like to mention my friend Becky. It is her birthday and I am too cheap to buy her a real gift, so instead I will use my blog to declare my love for her. She is awesome, even though she is a hippy. She is also kind, even though she is a chick. She is beautiful and smart and makes me happy cause she is crazy and fun.
Happy birthday Becky, and welcome to the blog.
Wrap Party
Well, there you have, the week that was in monkey land. It was a long rough week, but it is over now....it must have been love, but it's over now....goddamn you Pretty Woman soundtrack! Anyway, this week should be better, with some amusing musings. I am currently trying to blackmail funny people in to writing stuff for me so I can spend more time playing with toys. Alley is out of town on an adventure, we will try and catch up with her for the podcast, and I am going out on assignment to see what this whole talking to women thing is all about.
Have a great week, and as always, talk to us, we are lonely and need friends.
Emails are welcome, as are comments.
Leiderhosen
Showing posts with label alison rosen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alison rosen. Show all posts
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
BZZZZZZ Origins
Jeremy was the very picture of dichotomy and strangeness. He was at once average and below average. He sported a pot belly made of cheeseburgers and beer. He also had a nice face to balance this.
Born of an average intellect, Jeremy's future was not bright. He could not aspire to greatness, but merely to a mediocrity of just above minimum wage spending as much on lottery tickets as on personal grooming products.
That isn't to say that he didn't bath regularly, or use soap when he did so, merely that his routine was a mixed bag of not shaving enough, using expensive soaps, cleansers and exfoliates or even brushing every night.
His extravagance was all about food. Fast food really. He didn't even do it because he liked it, he did it because he had no idea how to cook. Sure, he could survive on the food he could cook, but who would choose to eat Rice a Roni and hamburger helper over a double beef burrito? A sack of white castles? A BigMac, and don't forget those giant salty fries, oh the fries!
Due to his limited intellect, Jeremy found himself in the exciting world of telephone customer service. His boss claimed it was a fast paced creative environment that allowed him to help people and feel good about his contribution to society. Even Jeremy knew this was not true, but his ambition and short comings led him to a complacent place where change and advancement were simply not possible.
Three years in to his tenure of helping people with their computer problems over the telephone Jeremy was content, if not happy, but fate had a different plan for this youngish man. Fsate is a foul temptress who can never be denied.
Jeremy's one hobby, the one thing that kept him from his television, and his world of warcraft account was bee keeping. It seemed like a weird thing to be in to according to his coworkers and guildmates online. Jeremy didn't care. There was a peace, a calm in the rush of life that came only when he was staring at the latticework of a beehive.
Few understood his passion, and even fewer still would have even guessed he had a passion, such was his melancholic way.
This was at the center of his dichotomy. In the rest of his life, nothing held his interest for any length of time, nor drove him to such heights of bliss as standing there in his hood and padded armor. That is how he thought of it anyway. He fancied himself a knight when he donned his gear. A valiant protector of these small flying scavengers.
The day Jeremy's earth shook was little different than any other. He awoke to the alarm, got ready for work and grabbed a breakfast burrito.
Work was not tough, just annoying. He really didn't know how to fix any one's computer, but he sure did know how to run a database search for answers people required. After a long day of googling stuff, Jeremy was ready for a Big Mac on the way to his hive.
Once there, Jeremy's sullen look changed to that of a happy boy. He strode confidently towards the hive, clad in his armor, and his life, and the world changed forever.
What Jeremy didn't know was that a new wind was blowing. Not just the wind of change, but also the wind of fallout. Two weeks prior, there had been a massive reactor failure in Japan after a devastating natural disaster. The fallout from this disaster travelled a great distance to find Jeremy on the coast of California.
The wind carried radiation. Not the killing kind ; rather, the kind that all of those cheesey comic books discussed. The transformative type of radiation that can only mean strange things are a foot.
As the wind finally reached his place of being, Jeremy was opening up the hive. Several bees came rushing out. They were caught in the draft and whipped into a frenzy by the maddening levels of radiation, their small bodies unable to cope with the pulsating rays. The brains of these tiny insects became a torrent of animalistic furor.
Jeremy did not understand what was happening. All he knew was that something had spooked his charges. They were flying around him in maddening quick circles, their pace quickening at each pass, the sound of their buzzing wings filled Jeremy''s ears with a rumble.
Normally his armor would have been enough to protect him, but these were irradiated bees. Their strength heightened, their instincts boiled to madness.
Several of the bees made it through the protection and stung Jeremy. He recoiled in frustration more than pain. Why was this happening? How had he lost control of his tiny adopted children?
Each sting released radiation directly in to his bloodstream. Each sting brought him one step closer to a new existence.
It took Jeremy several minutes to get things under control. His interest in the hobby was lost for the night once he did. Failure is one of life's great cold showers. It breaks the hold many things have over us when we feel its gut punch.
Jeremy left his hive behind, and made his way home.
It was a night of fit full sleep, as nothing seemed to be going right, not even his dreams. He bolted upright at 3am, drenched in a feverish sweat. Jeremy got to his feet shakily and glided to the bathroom in his bachelor apartment.
Looking in the mirror he could see his hair matted to his forehead, his wild eyes had epic luggage under them too. His jowls were swollen for some reason.
Jeremy's big idea was to take a shower to try and cool off. This was apparently a terrible idea, as the water made him feel nauseous, like he was being drowned, or maybe just held down and thus his movements were sluggish.
As he got out of the shower he felt a sudden pain jolt his spine. There was a ripping sound as the flesh of his back parted. Jeremy was going insane, no doubt about it.
He reached back to feel his wounds, but instead found.... wings!
What the hell was happening to him?
Slowly over the next 18 hours, Jeremy went through a new puberty, and it was not pleasant. Slowly he was transformed from a normal average pudgy dude, to a man sized bee like creature.
The amazing thing was how much of himself he kept inside his head. He did not become a mindless drone, but rather himself, but with wings and a fuzzy black and yellow belly. Also, he now had a long stinger coming out of his ass.
Once the transformation was complete, Jeremy decided he needed to test this situation out. He jumped out of his third floor window and began to sore.
It took him sometime to grasp the concepts of human flight, but once he did, he was able to hover, float, dive and soar like any bee.
Suddenly Jeremy was no longer average. Suddenly Jeremy felt a power coursing through his veins that had never been there before. Suddenly Jeremy could do anything.
Most people faced with such a situation had a decision to make.
Most people would have to decide whether this was a power to be used for good, or for ill.
The decision was pretty easy for Jeremy. A life of being an after thought, of being held down by not only his own limitations, but also the mean actions of others made the decision so much easier.
Jeremy had power now, and the world would know it, and feel it!
Perched high atop the city, his new limbs clinging with ease to a church cross, Jeremy screamed to the world:
"Look out world, here I come! I can eat flowers and crap honey, beware my power!"
All the world heard, if it had cared, was a loud BZZZZ sound.
For those of you wondering wtf this is, I can only explain it to you thusly. A short time ago, which actually translate in to years in the internet world, the ever talented and beautiful Alison Rosen made s brief joke on a podcast. This is my attempt to declare my intentions to woo her... or to get some attention or something.
So I hope you enjoyed it, and yes, it is intentionally bad and cliched.
Born of an average intellect, Jeremy's future was not bright. He could not aspire to greatness, but merely to a mediocrity of just above minimum wage spending as much on lottery tickets as on personal grooming products.
That isn't to say that he didn't bath regularly, or use soap when he did so, merely that his routine was a mixed bag of not shaving enough, using expensive soaps, cleansers and exfoliates or even brushing every night.
His extravagance was all about food. Fast food really. He didn't even do it because he liked it, he did it because he had no idea how to cook. Sure, he could survive on the food he could cook, but who would choose to eat Rice a Roni and hamburger helper over a double beef burrito? A sack of white castles? A BigMac, and don't forget those giant salty fries, oh the fries!
Due to his limited intellect, Jeremy found himself in the exciting world of telephone customer service. His boss claimed it was a fast paced creative environment that allowed him to help people and feel good about his contribution to society. Even Jeremy knew this was not true, but his ambition and short comings led him to a complacent place where change and advancement were simply not possible.
Three years in to his tenure of helping people with their computer problems over the telephone Jeremy was content, if not happy, but fate had a different plan for this youngish man. Fsate is a foul temptress who can never be denied.
Jeremy's one hobby, the one thing that kept him from his television, and his world of warcraft account was bee keeping. It seemed like a weird thing to be in to according to his coworkers and guildmates online. Jeremy didn't care. There was a peace, a calm in the rush of life that came only when he was staring at the latticework of a beehive.
Few understood his passion, and even fewer still would have even guessed he had a passion, such was his melancholic way.
This was at the center of his dichotomy. In the rest of his life, nothing held his interest for any length of time, nor drove him to such heights of bliss as standing there in his hood and padded armor. That is how he thought of it anyway. He fancied himself a knight when he donned his gear. A valiant protector of these small flying scavengers.
The day Jeremy's earth shook was little different than any other. He awoke to the alarm, got ready for work and grabbed a breakfast burrito.
Work was not tough, just annoying. He really didn't know how to fix any one's computer, but he sure did know how to run a database search for answers people required. After a long day of googling stuff, Jeremy was ready for a Big Mac on the way to his hive.
Once there, Jeremy's sullen look changed to that of a happy boy. He strode confidently towards the hive, clad in his armor, and his life, and the world changed forever.
What Jeremy didn't know was that a new wind was blowing. Not just the wind of change, but also the wind of fallout. Two weeks prior, there had been a massive reactor failure in Japan after a devastating natural disaster. The fallout from this disaster travelled a great distance to find Jeremy on the coast of California.
The wind carried radiation. Not the killing kind ; rather, the kind that all of those cheesey comic books discussed. The transformative type of radiation that can only mean strange things are a foot.
As the wind finally reached his place of being, Jeremy was opening up the hive. Several bees came rushing out. They were caught in the draft and whipped into a frenzy by the maddening levels of radiation, their small bodies unable to cope with the pulsating rays. The brains of these tiny insects became a torrent of animalistic furor.
Jeremy did not understand what was happening. All he knew was that something had spooked his charges. They were flying around him in maddening quick circles, their pace quickening at each pass, the sound of their buzzing wings filled Jeremy''s ears with a rumble.
Normally his armor would have been enough to protect him, but these were irradiated bees. Their strength heightened, their instincts boiled to madness.
Several of the bees made it through the protection and stung Jeremy. He recoiled in frustration more than pain. Why was this happening? How had he lost control of his tiny adopted children?
Each sting released radiation directly in to his bloodstream. Each sting brought him one step closer to a new existence.
It took Jeremy several minutes to get things under control. His interest in the hobby was lost for the night once he did. Failure is one of life's great cold showers. It breaks the hold many things have over us when we feel its gut punch.
Jeremy left his hive behind, and made his way home.
It was a night of fit full sleep, as nothing seemed to be going right, not even his dreams. He bolted upright at 3am, drenched in a feverish sweat. Jeremy got to his feet shakily and glided to the bathroom in his bachelor apartment.
Looking in the mirror he could see his hair matted to his forehead, his wild eyes had epic luggage under them too. His jowls were swollen for some reason.
Jeremy's big idea was to take a shower to try and cool off. This was apparently a terrible idea, as the water made him feel nauseous, like he was being drowned, or maybe just held down and thus his movements were sluggish.
As he got out of the shower he felt a sudden pain jolt his spine. There was a ripping sound as the flesh of his back parted. Jeremy was going insane, no doubt about it.
He reached back to feel his wounds, but instead found.... wings!
What the hell was happening to him?
Slowly over the next 18 hours, Jeremy went through a new puberty, and it was not pleasant. Slowly he was transformed from a normal average pudgy dude, to a man sized bee like creature.
The amazing thing was how much of himself he kept inside his head. He did not become a mindless drone, but rather himself, but with wings and a fuzzy black and yellow belly. Also, he now had a long stinger coming out of his ass.
Once the transformation was complete, Jeremy decided he needed to test this situation out. He jumped out of his third floor window and began to sore.
It took him sometime to grasp the concepts of human flight, but once he did, he was able to hover, float, dive and soar like any bee.
Suddenly Jeremy was no longer average. Suddenly Jeremy felt a power coursing through his veins that had never been there before. Suddenly Jeremy could do anything.
Most people faced with such a situation had a decision to make.
Most people would have to decide whether this was a power to be used for good, or for ill.
The decision was pretty easy for Jeremy. A life of being an after thought, of being held down by not only his own limitations, but also the mean actions of others made the decision so much easier.
Jeremy had power now, and the world would know it, and feel it!
Perched high atop the city, his new limbs clinging with ease to a church cross, Jeremy screamed to the world:
"Look out world, here I come! I can eat flowers and crap honey, beware my power!"
All the world heard, if it had cared, was a loud BZZZZ sound.
For those of you wondering wtf this is, I can only explain it to you thusly. A short time ago, which actually translate in to years in the internet world, the ever talented and beautiful Alison Rosen made s brief joke on a podcast. This is my attempt to declare my intentions to woo her... or to get some attention or something.
So I hope you enjoyed it, and yes, it is intentionally bad and cliched.
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