Justification is a river in.....somewhere

I am not a big enough geek. Wait let me rephrase that.... I do not show how big of a geek I am very often, and that is a shame. For peace and happiness to abound one must embrace who and what they are and throw caution out the airlock.

My good friend Becky has spent a tremendous amount of time reminding me I am not that which I was. This is true, but right now I am immersed in that culture. I am swimming around in my own pensieve, pulling at random spaghetti strings of misbegotten youth. Oh this is fun to be sure. I get to relive the time I stole a pregnancy test for a girl (it was negative, and not mine to begin with) or the time I opened a gym bag full of ancient melee weapons handed to me by my street brother or the time I ran in to 15 dudes with machine guns. All of these stories are funny to me and they bring a smile to my face and remind me that there were good times.

Problem incoming, intensify forward fire power!

I am also reminded of harshness. I remember the time I was stabbed over Pantera, and I remember the time I was watching a dude die for being black, and I remember the time....well you know what, you get the friggin picture. This is a rerun by the way, and only contains like 30% new material, sorry to have waited this long to tell you.

all that being said, I think I made a bad decision on what project to work on next. I recently blew my emotional wad on a story (which I no longer have a copy of) that explained all of my feelings surrounding a certain crazy street chick. This was very hard for me and when it was done I felt so very content. But reliving those terrible moments of her darkest hours, and my own, were enough for a while.

I think my personal story is one of those project I need to pick up and put down from time to time. Not unlike Stephen King and his epic Dark Tower deal. He never really wrote that story, or any of them in a targeted manner with deadlines and pressure. He picked them up, put them down, worked, ignored, worked some more, then walked away, then sauntered back in the room.

I think about this guy, one of the best modern writers of fiction and I can't help but think about the fact that he has his way and George Lucas has his.

You see George had two different styles of writing the two different trilogies. The first three movies were written over several years. He had notebooks full of crap. Thoughts that occured to him from time to time while he was writing other crap. Every now and then he would sit down and go at a piece of the original trilogy and work with purpose, but he never really had a deadline. The result was fabulous.

Those three movies are a fantastic tale of family, love, triumph, tragedy, perseverance, rebellion, and laser swords.

Now, flash forward to the 90's. George had one month to write each of the new movies. No massive notes, no weird ideas in the shower, no collaboration, no narrative styling. He just pounded out whatever came in to his funny little head.

What resulted was a stinted, bloated story that needed to be rewritten on the fly and required more laser swords than acting talent.

I want my story to read like the first trilogy....with a few less muppets, not the new trilogy, with no chemistry and cgi friends to play with instead of the real thing.

For that reason I am shelving my personal saga. I want it to mean something when it comes out. I want it to really matter to me and those close to me....and I want a break from the ghosts.

Last night I slept like a baby for the first time in...well months really, maybe even two years. Some might credit the new bed....and I do as well, but it is something else as well. I banished the demons, cast a neato spell from my d and d handbook of how to be a devil worshiper in three easy steps, and all of the sudden....sleep...and inspiration came knocking.

I am geek here me roar. As geek I am going to write a story that will appeal to geeks and girls....cause as I have learned from two other writers, hook the females and well, you get to print money in your basement.

Character is the key, and right now, I don't want to focus on me, I would rather focus on a simpleton waging war across the afterlife for his soul, and that of his one true love. This is the story I have in me right now, and this is the story I am going to tell.

If you don't like it you can have your money back....but since you haven't paid yet, we're even. You can walk away now and we're all square, or you can hang out a little while longer and see what the monkey has for you. It's a funny little dance and in the end you will laugh, and if you have female parts I will try really hard to make you cry, and if you have geek parts, I promise large abyssal creatures that would make Bruce Campbell run.......for the shotgun/chainsaw hybrid...I mean come on, not even I can scare Ash!