Firsties

Man, I remember when that was cool! Back on those old style message boards, back when the Internet was slow and random AOL users would IM you looking for love. It is totally different today, now random Yahoo users IM me looking for money. Progress!

I gotta say this is an interesting little exercise. I have for years been utilizing the social networking craze as a platform for my Ben Affleck like attention whoring, but now I finally have a reason to do things smartly. I am sort of a professional writer...again, for the first time...

Well for years I pounded out refreshing slogans and adds for junk you don't need or even want until I told you you needed and wanted them. I got paid, and I had to write, so I guess that made me a professional writer. Truth be told, the only thing I liked about it was when they let me write bits and perform the funny stuff. I enjoyed when they let me do the entertaining monkey dance.

Like a million frustrated writers I consoled myself with the fact that someday, somehow, someone would notice me and give me praise and make me an offer I would refuse at first and then slowly demurely accept like the nice girl at the prom. I made excuses for why it hadn't happened yet and I relished the attention from well meaning friends who lavished me with their praise and encouragement. And for sometime this kept me stable, alive, fed and satiated by their morsels of kindness. Slowly I became bloated and content to just let it be, and be me, but a kind of weak version of me that never hungered, never sought the prize.

Well dammit I am Rocky, and I want my prize. I wanna run through Philly, I wanna hit on the weird shop girl, I wanna get my face pounded in to hamburger and I want to stop paying someone else to do that last part!

Really what I want is the freedom to play video games all day and hit on unattainable women, all the while eating good food and not having to actually work for this privilege. I want to be a writer again.

So I got the urge, got the thought, got that feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach...got the tums but that didn't help, and so I realized I was being called to my keyboard again.

Then I met the man who will change my life again. And now he wants to pay me to write, so here I am, because I am cheap....and still actually poor since no one wants to pay me before they get paid, doing a more serious bloggity blog thing. Why might you ask?

Kevin Smith.

Yep, I have learned from him the ways of self marketing. Don't buy my books, buy me. I am a brand. You know what you get when you bite in to one of my works, and thus you want it. Ok you don't know yet, but you will.

So here I sit, on a Friday night, pretending I am cool, all the while wondering what you look like naked. Nice birthmark by the way. Here I sit on the verge of breaking through to some sort of natural high, strangely enough writing about unnatural ones... hey now there is irony Alanis!

Ok so for now I will use the good folks at google to house my blog, and then, oh then you will see. Eventually we will move in to fancy new digs, I'll invite you over for a cocktail, and you will have to indulge my thoughts, not because you like them, but because you are being polite.

Until then, let me enlighten you as to what to expect.

My Plan is to blog here, and release some excerpts from my book, assuming my publisher allows it. He might not over some sort of legal arrangement thingy that says if I post something on a site I don't own, they now own the rights, but I figure they can't own the rights to my story, but hey I am no lawyer. In the end, until one of us coughs up the dough for our own site, we will be playing fast and loose with the whole legal system.

I am also going to work on some guest blogs, and maybe a podcast. In the end one monkey media is not just about me typing away unendingly on a keyboard. One Monkey Media is about you and me. It is about all forms of entertainment, and it is about being cool. It is about chatting about everything and nothing. It is about being a geek. It is about free form thinking and expression. It is about Neo-classical post modernistic art. It is about pre-pubesent humour. It is in fact about whatever we want it to be about.

The world is our oyster people, let us shuck it!


P.S. In case you hadn't figured it out, this entire post was nothing more than a space filler and a way for me to mess around with the blog format until got it right....uhmmm maybe I should do something entertaining......uh oh, I blew my creativity on the Affleck joke.... oh wait. there was s and m too, so there!