Personal attacks on Alanis aside (yes I intend to learn more html code, but before you get uppity, you might want to consider that the next thing I learn is embedding photos....and did you really want me to begin by embedding...teehee Alanis?) this is actually an important statement in life.
I have come to the conclusion that there are 6 types of females in this world (not including sisters, mothers, and aunts....let us just pretend for the sake of argument there are in fact no females we are related to ok...) and the list breaks down somewhat like this....and if I did it right there will be a photo example.
Chicks.
This type of female is characterized by a complete inability to make realistic life choices. They are usually attractive in a superficial way, or they have some sort of character that makes you want to be near them....right up until they say something really, really stupid...which will happen. They are completely self absorbed and will in fact behave in a manner that makes you scratch your head and wonder how they are not dead. In a relationship, which will be purely based on something superficial like money, fame, a nice hindquarters, whatever...they tend to wonder why the drunk guy they love to party with is banging six other chicks...all of whom will answer to the name baby. These are also the girls who take their tops off on video because it seemed like a good idea at the time and then wonder why people call them sluts. It is my learned opinion that unless you want one blissful evening of pumping away at a moaning near lifeless carcass, followed by 7-10 days of anti-biotics, these are the ones to avoid. You will know them by there smell...it precedes them by 5 minutes and cost more than 100 bucks, and it really doesn't turn you on.also, their laugh will clue you in...it is misplaced and always too loud and over the top. Also, if you are not HOT) they most likely won't talk to you, or they will treat you as if you are their gay friend. Unlike the movies though, this class of female never sobers up and realises they have loved you all along. Just run ok.
Girls
I hesitate to use the term immature to describe this class of female simply because most people will be thinking of chicks when I say that. These females simply haven't grown up yet. I don't mean that in the pleasant young at heart sort of way where a female can be all girls and cutesy. I mean the3se females are still playing house and dress-up, only with real people and real babies. This is in fact the kind of female who will poke a hole in a condom to get pregnant so you have to marry her and then build that dream life together. Here comes reality folks, steaming down the tracks....they almost never make good choices. One day they wake up and realise they are with an ass, but lacking adult sophistication they have no idea what to do. These are also the type who are dreamers and always waiting for the better thing. They are not willing to try anything that does not fit in to their perfect little dream world because it doesn't match the Norman Rockwell setting. This type will mature eventually and will realise what they really want; and more importantly that it can't be found in the bad boy drummer or the drunk frat boy, or the abusive stock broker; but this takes time, so you best have patience if you want to wait for this one to catch up. I once watched a dude wait two years for this one girl while she continually made hairbrained choices and went back to her ex and got hurt time and again, until he lost patience. The good news here is that girls are not as superficial as chicks, but you have to fit in to their fantasy or they won't give you the time of day, other than to use you to get their real needs of intimacy, friendship, safety, and security met. This can be very disheartening.
Gals
These are the world's most common type of female in a sense. You see they are the ones you meet and get along with and become friends with. They see you as a friend, and maybe you did too...at first. Then you realised the secret to life was....be friends first. Only one small problem. You live in Platonia. We all have this guy to thank for that. You see he was the first to walk up to a female and say, hey baby, why don't you and I go behind one of these pillars and philosophise. And the response was, I don't know, your beard is kinda scruffy and you've got an awful lot of sitting around on your backside thinking all day weight. I think it would be best if we just stayed friends. Now instead of saying whatever and moving on to the next female, that guy thought hey, maybe if I stick around she will eventually see how smart, funny, caring, and interesting I am. Heck I am this guy they will remember me forever as a cool dude, she'll have to see it eventually. And thus was born Platonic love. A sad desperate little dance where one female decides not to be mean and say hey, you are ugly to me, even though you possess every trait I say I want in a dude, so we just can't do it, they say, let's be friends. It never works out like that. In the movies you see they eventually realize they are truly meant for each other. As heartwarming as that is, it is not how it happens. What really happens is, dude is placed in friend hell, and one or the other begins to feel bad about the situation. Then one of them pushes the envelope once again because they have become real intimates...and the whole thing goes boom. This female is cool. She is friendly and she likes you because to her, you are completely non threatening. You are all the good things she wants but not in a package that intimidates her or makes her feel uncomfortable. You also might be crazy, but let's assume you aren't. for whatever reason she is not attracted to you so she treats you like a king. You have fun together and you can do things that would normally be hardcore flirting or even foreplay for crying out loud, but because you are buds it isn't for some reason. These are dangerous females. They will hurt you. Not intentionally mind you, 'cause hey they are just one of the guys right? Again...pain!
Broads.
These females are tough, no nonsense career oriented women. They say they do not want kids. They are obsessed with success. The only thing I can say about these females is to stay away from them at all times. Do not approach them. If they want something from you (and they will) they will tell you. Do not upset these females. They are capable of grinding you in to pulp. They are success and goal oriented so if your goals and their line up, they do make good partners, but there will be less emotion involved in your love making than in buying the Lexus.
Ladies.
These are unattainable females folks. They barely exist, and they do not hang out where you do. Ladies are prim and proper. They are experts in manners and sex...no kidding. These are females who are designed to please in every way. Sometimes gals can pretend to be ladies, and when women are in the mood, they easily become ladies, but as a species...or sub species, whatever, these females are a rare sight. Don't believe me? Google image search classy. Then try classy dame. Now count the number of women with half exposed bewbs and spray on tans. Now cry.
Women.
These are the rarest of all females....at least in the unattached variety. These are normal, sane, mature, caring, fun, etc etc females. 99% of them are martried or in a commited relationship. To find one "on the market" is next to impossible. Some scientists believe it is because they have been scared away. Others believe this is the evolved form of life that girls eventially become. Gals also become this, but not with you. Chciks will find it hard to reach this stage of life, and need a lot of help to get there. Broads consider these females beneath them, and Ladies consider them works in progress, but worthy of respect. Women are hard to find, but I am told they are out there. I see examples all the time. My friend Darryl found one, clubbed her over the head and now they are very happy.
I would say my friend was right, because looking back I would have to say, I have never been with (in any sense of the word) a lady or a woman. Hell I never even been propositioned by a broad....guess I just am not ambitious enough for that. All I haver ever done was seek girls, lust after chicks, and just plain be stupid over too many gals.
What a weird way to live huh?
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