I wanted to make some kind of long drawn out profound statement. I wanted to have great insight which someone else would find valuable, but in the end I just wrote what I wrote, as I am writing what I am writing.
I think we all have something inside us that makes us want to be remembered.Some for the great things they do, and some for the stupidity of their death, and some fore the amazing gifts they pocess. (Ha I bet you thought I was going to do This, but I have waaaay more class than that!)
No matter what the reason, I think people prefer to be remembered, or at least to feel like they will be remembered for something, anything.
To that end, I wanted to write something that people would remember. In the end I kind of only ended up writing this.
Don't get me wrong, I truly enjoy In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins; and in order to avoid a Bret Austin Ellis moment, let us just agree that I like Phil and move on,but I simply realise one inescapable fact. The remembrance of a piece will always be based on the interpretation of the piece.
So many people think that this song is about a guy drowning simply because he uses that term in the song. Hi, my name is metaphor. What this has done has taken a truly transcendent thought and sullied it with the mundane.
I think to a certain extent that is what happens to me. I sit here, or in this case lay here in bed hoping that I have a thought worth sharing, but in the end it is all up to the translation.
Somewhere between my fingers and your eyes my message will maybe be transformed from what I intended to say to what you want to hear. I am starting to like the idea. I really think that if I am to grow as a person I need to be less selfish about what I do and say. If I am going to share, I should probably be prepared for the ramifications of that. Most of the time, since I am neither profound nor esoteric, my message will be loud and clear. On those rare occasions where I manage to create something that means something to someone else, well that is truly when I have created art.
Thoughts are to be shared, chewed, rolled around, refreshed, tried, discarded, discovered again and planted in the sand.I must share, and be willing to have that sharing reciprocated. So say I.
Also, just in case one thinks they have created something special they should always keep in mind that eventually, someone else will do it better.
So today, well last night, I made a promise to myself, I said monkey man, tomorrow you are either going to wake up refreshed and a new person, a better person, or you are going to wake up dead. Either way, a brand new world awaits.
Well, since one of my roommates said hello to me, I am pretty sure I am alive... even if the signs seem to tell me otherwise (Hey that link is so not for the weak of heart. Maybe someday I will explain why a person such as me can enjoy that song, or maybe you will just accept that sometimes the abused, beaten, cowed followers of society have anger and need to break free of what they feel is oppression of their being in such a graphic fashion....wait uhmmm what did he say? Carrying on....)and that means I have to be better...or maybe I can be the same but you know, with a smile....
Anway, if you don't get the point then I am happy for you, it means that you have never felt the sting of self loathing, nor have you miss took hate for love or had a long journey to get to the point where you can imagine yourself happy.
Many a day a person like myself can find joy in little things, but far too often there is sadness in every rejection, no matter how mundane. If you cannot get this it means you are smarter than I am.
This all came about because Darryl who so often challenges me to be the better angel of my nature, tried to get me to read. In our discussion of a character that I found so similar yet so profoundly better than myself I found a reason to get out of bed, even if I didn't yet.
I challenge you to work on yourself everyday. Examine why you do what you do and make sure it is for the right reason. I nearly did a whole bunch of selfish things for the wrong reasons, but caught myself at the last moment. I did so because no measure of hardship can justify being mean to the only people who express caring for you. Oh well.
So if you remember nothing from this seemingly random and nonsensical post, remember this much, I too fail, but I too win.
You too fail but you too win.
I forgive me the fail, and applaud me the win.
I forgive you the fail, and applaud the win.
A new day beckons tomorrow, with brightness and a few clouds maybe, but the brightness is what matters.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
At the crossroads of memory lane and wtf? blvd
I have to tell you, I truly enjoy when two seperate conversations line up just right and you end up with one of those moments where you just can't help but go....Oh wow man, that is weird.
This happened to me recently. It started with a conversation about my current living arrangment which can only be summed up by This!
Yep that is how I roll.
Sorry about that, it was necessary to make me happy! I promise the next link will be more fun for you.
Anyway, so I was describing my current living conditions and the question came up, is there really any good rooming houses out there? I thought about this for some time, bringing up past thoughts on places I have lived and really came up with no.
Yesterday I got an email from the person reading my manuscript. There was one question and only one question. Where do you come up with these assinine character? I thought about saying that they were charactures of aspects of my own personality, but that would make me look like an ass, so instead I said...why, I used to live with most of them.
So for you entertainment, here is a listing of every single rooming house I have ever lived in and why they indeed sucked.
The Central Clearing House. Bathurst and College, Toronto. I lived here for only a short time. I was dealing PCP, Meth, XTC and pot out of the top floor room. This place wasn't so bad...apart from the Russian LAN parties. Seriously, all night long these two russians who lived there would curse at each other in russian and play some sort of Quake, Duke Nukem thing. I call it the central clearing house because it was half a block from Central high school, one of the toughest schools in town, and well, everything was priced to move.
The Minagerie. Augusta St, Toronto. Technically E and I had our own apartment in the basement but, with 15 people living in what was essentially a 7 bedroom house, this was insane. We rented out the upstairs kitchen as a room...seriously. Also, a hooker stole our rent money and ran away to Vancouver. We had an awesome outdoor living room though...until the rains came...then we learned about tarping. The problem, other than the mass of smelly humanity was the fact that we also had 17 animals living in the house. Cats, dogs, mice, rats, some kind of snake.... The smell was....If you walk through the neighborhood now you will notice the house was torn down right after we moved out.
The Enterprise. Near the Corel Center, Ottawa. At first glance, this was a nice place. It was in a nice little gated type community of row houses and such. What went wrong? The guy in the room next to me, apart from being a real ladies man, was also...an amway salesman...who incidentally looked exactly like This!
Ok I know I said I would not do that, but it is true, he looked like that. There were a bunch of other weirdos in and out of there, and that story I like to tell about being kicked out of the National Art Gallery for making out with my roommates sister on an exhibit...yeah this was the place where I met that roommate and that sister. It is called the enterprise because anouther roommate had his entire system set up with noises from star trek. You know when your computer makes a sound to tell you it is turning on or off or a program closes? Right, he had all sounds changed to mimick the computer of the enterprise D. Oh and it spoke to him.
The Lesbian House. Convieniently Located for like ten minutes, Ottawa. What can I say, me and 5 lesbians. There was absolutely nothing wrong with this place....right up until one fo the girl's girfriends started humping my foot. Seriously. Oh and also, when a lesbianish woman is spurned by anouther, she may in fact show up at your door with a shopping bag full of lesbian porn and sex toys. I make no guarantees, but it is my experience that this will happen. I complain because I moved here to be within a five minute walk of work, and then a week later my station was sold and moved to the middle of nowhere...seriously, a twenty minute drive...or an hour and forty five minutes by bus.
The Alabama Slammah! Port McNicholl Ontario. This place was fine, apart from the 500 dollar a month phone bills and 500 dollar cab bill to get to and from work. Also, everyone there drank and was married to their sister. It was interesting to say the least.
The Crack House. Peterborough. Renting from a devout man seemed like a good idea. He made me sign a morals clause...which by the way included me not plagiarizing any of my college papers, and I thought this will be a relaxing place to get some work done. A half a dozen visits from the cops later (they were looking for the homeless woman who lived in the basement, and the drunk guy who kept breaking everybody's stuff) and I was sure this was hell.
The Den of thieves. Current domicile. Really, you stole my ketchup and margerine? I get using some of it, but taking the whole frigging thing...twice... and not leaving me anything? WTF? My favourite was the graduation card from my parents. You see, for some reason they thought it would be nice to congratulate me for my hard work by sending me a card, which for some reason one of my roommates decided to open, just in case there was some cash inside. There wasn't, so said roommate came to my door and said she "found" the card in the basement, ya know all open and without the envelope. This amused me for some time...right up until someone ate my frigging hot dogs. The part that amuses me the most is, everyone here complains about people stealing their stuff, that is why they all have mini fridges in their rooms. So wait, someone who doesn't like their stuff getting stolen so much that they bought their own fridge is stealing my stuff? DUDE! Oh and someone stole my cold water. Seriously, I had a bottle of TAP WATER! in the fridge cooling off, and they took it. They took my tap water man.
Well there you have it, my odesy through rooming houses. I left out two places that were sort of rooming houses but not really. The hiipy love farm and the steroid happy funtime hour house. This was more me living with a family...neither lasted long.
That is all for now, unless you want more of This!
As soon as know about my manuscript I will let you know.
This happened to me recently. It started with a conversation about my current living arrangment which can only be summed up by This!
Yep that is how I roll.
Sorry about that, it was necessary to make me happy! I promise the next link will be more fun for you.
Anyway, so I was describing my current living conditions and the question came up, is there really any good rooming houses out there? I thought about this for some time, bringing up past thoughts on places I have lived and really came up with no.
Yesterday I got an email from the person reading my manuscript. There was one question and only one question. Where do you come up with these assinine character? I thought about saying that they were charactures of aspects of my own personality, but that would make me look like an ass, so instead I said...why, I used to live with most of them.
So for you entertainment, here is a listing of every single rooming house I have ever lived in and why they indeed sucked.
The Central Clearing House. Bathurst and College, Toronto. I lived here for only a short time. I was dealing PCP, Meth, XTC and pot out of the top floor room. This place wasn't so bad...apart from the Russian LAN parties. Seriously, all night long these two russians who lived there would curse at each other in russian and play some sort of Quake, Duke Nukem thing. I call it the central clearing house because it was half a block from Central high school, one of the toughest schools in town, and well, everything was priced to move.
The Minagerie. Augusta St, Toronto. Technically E and I had our own apartment in the basement but, with 15 people living in what was essentially a 7 bedroom house, this was insane. We rented out the upstairs kitchen as a room...seriously. Also, a hooker stole our rent money and ran away to Vancouver. We had an awesome outdoor living room though...until the rains came...then we learned about tarping. The problem, other than the mass of smelly humanity was the fact that we also had 17 animals living in the house. Cats, dogs, mice, rats, some kind of snake.... The smell was....If you walk through the neighborhood now you will notice the house was torn down right after we moved out.
The Enterprise. Near the Corel Center, Ottawa. At first glance, this was a nice place. It was in a nice little gated type community of row houses and such. What went wrong? The guy in the room next to me, apart from being a real ladies man, was also...an amway salesman...who incidentally looked exactly like This!
Ok I know I said I would not do that, but it is true, he looked like that. There were a bunch of other weirdos in and out of there, and that story I like to tell about being kicked out of the National Art Gallery for making out with my roommates sister on an exhibit...yeah this was the place where I met that roommate and that sister. It is called the enterprise because anouther roommate had his entire system set up with noises from star trek. You know when your computer makes a sound to tell you it is turning on or off or a program closes? Right, he had all sounds changed to mimick the computer of the enterprise D. Oh and it spoke to him.
The Lesbian House. Convieniently Located for like ten minutes, Ottawa. What can I say, me and 5 lesbians. There was absolutely nothing wrong with this place....right up until one fo the girl's girfriends started humping my foot. Seriously. Oh and also, when a lesbianish woman is spurned by anouther, she may in fact show up at your door with a shopping bag full of lesbian porn and sex toys. I make no guarantees, but it is my experience that this will happen. I complain because I moved here to be within a five minute walk of work, and then a week later my station was sold and moved to the middle of nowhere...seriously, a twenty minute drive...or an hour and forty five minutes by bus.
The Alabama Slammah! Port McNicholl Ontario. This place was fine, apart from the 500 dollar a month phone bills and 500 dollar cab bill to get to and from work. Also, everyone there drank and was married to their sister. It was interesting to say the least.
The Crack House. Peterborough. Renting from a devout man seemed like a good idea. He made me sign a morals clause...which by the way included me not plagiarizing any of my college papers, and I thought this will be a relaxing place to get some work done. A half a dozen visits from the cops later (they were looking for the homeless woman who lived in the basement, and the drunk guy who kept breaking everybody's stuff) and I was sure this was hell.
The Den of thieves. Current domicile. Really, you stole my ketchup and margerine? I get using some of it, but taking the whole frigging thing...twice... and not leaving me anything? WTF? My favourite was the graduation card from my parents. You see, for some reason they thought it would be nice to congratulate me for my hard work by sending me a card, which for some reason one of my roommates decided to open, just in case there was some cash inside. There wasn't, so said roommate came to my door and said she "found" the card in the basement, ya know all open and without the envelope. This amused me for some time...right up until someone ate my frigging hot dogs. The part that amuses me the most is, everyone here complains about people stealing their stuff, that is why they all have mini fridges in their rooms. So wait, someone who doesn't like their stuff getting stolen so much that they bought their own fridge is stealing my stuff? DUDE! Oh and someone stole my cold water. Seriously, I had a bottle of TAP WATER! in the fridge cooling off, and they took it. They took my tap water man.
Well there you have it, my odesy through rooming houses. I left out two places that were sort of rooming houses but not really. The hiipy love farm and the steroid happy funtime hour house. This was more me living with a family...neither lasted long.
That is all for now, unless you want more of This!
As soon as know about my manuscript I will let you know.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
This has no title.
A friend of mine wants me to put this up against my better judgement. It is the first part of what I wrote so far. The idea being I was going to tell a story, where you already had a good idea where it was going. This is actually a pretty cheap trick to get you to keep reading if it is done well. Sort of the poor man's foreshadowing if you will.
Anyway....here it is so she will shut up.
It was the night of the first storm of the season in town, and the rain was coming down in sheets. There was a cool breeze to accompany the occasional flashes and booms that punctuated nature's fury.
In the rear-view mirror, Danica could see her reflection clearly. From the corner of one bruised eye, painful tears were streaming down her face. They were not the tears of sorrow.
Danica was a much more careful driver than she had been just 8 months ago, and while she fought tears and thoughts with every ounce of her considerable will, she also concentrated on a safe driving experience. Danica refused to take that chance, even as she was completely uprooting her life.
Looking in the mirror again she saw the terror fade. The3 anger was not there as it had been just an hour ago. It was replaced by a serene calm that she did not actually feel. Was she really going through with this?
The tears were not of sorrow and loss like one might expect. Danica did not mourn the dissolution of her relationship with Patrick; in fact one might say in a way she was celebrating it.
The tears were those of a person who just doesn't know what else to do other than cry. When you're tired...no exhausted, and you can't take anymore, what do you do? When your anger is spent and your adrenaline gone, what do you do? When you are scared of the unknown but you can’t run away from it, what do you do? When you are determined to break free of the chains that shackle you to an existence you cannot stand, what do you do? When you are fleeing the scene of the crime, what do you do?
Danica cries.
Danica cries lonely tears, silent tears, defiant tears.
Danica never wanted this, but who among us get to choose our fate freely?
Danica had survived what most would determine after close examination, a microscopic fiber check, and a thorough inspection of every piece of evidence, a difficult life. She had come this far, lived this long, dealt with this much. The journey would last a little longer before she reached a safe plateau, bit she could see it from where she sat behind the wheel of her PT cruiser, despite the heavy rain and poor visibility.
These were the thoughts of Danica Phillips as she drove to work for the last time.
Needed some more deptrh I thought, something to make it tangible.
What do you think?
Anyway....here it is so she will shut up.
It was the night of the first storm of the season in town, and the rain was coming down in sheets. There was a cool breeze to accompany the occasional flashes and booms that punctuated nature's fury.
In the rear-view mirror, Danica could see her reflection clearly. From the corner of one bruised eye, painful tears were streaming down her face. They were not the tears of sorrow.
Danica was a much more careful driver than she had been just 8 months ago, and while she fought tears and thoughts with every ounce of her considerable will, she also concentrated on a safe driving experience. Danica refused to take that chance, even as she was completely uprooting her life.
Looking in the mirror again she saw the terror fade. The3 anger was not there as it had been just an hour ago. It was replaced by a serene calm that she did not actually feel. Was she really going through with this?
The tears were not of sorrow and loss like one might expect. Danica did not mourn the dissolution of her relationship with Patrick; in fact one might say in a way she was celebrating it.
The tears were those of a person who just doesn't know what else to do other than cry. When you're tired...no exhausted, and you can't take anymore, what do you do? When your anger is spent and your adrenaline gone, what do you do? When you are scared of the unknown but you can’t run away from it, what do you do? When you are determined to break free of the chains that shackle you to an existence you cannot stand, what do you do? When you are fleeing the scene of the crime, what do you do?
Danica cries.
Danica cries lonely tears, silent tears, defiant tears.
Danica never wanted this, but who among us get to choose our fate freely?
Danica had survived what most would determine after close examination, a microscopic fiber check, and a thorough inspection of every piece of evidence, a difficult life. She had come this far, lived this long, dealt with this much. The journey would last a little longer before she reached a safe plateau, bit she could see it from where she sat behind the wheel of her PT cruiser, despite the heavy rain and poor visibility.
These were the thoughts of Danica Phillips as she drove to work for the last time.
Needed some more deptrh I thought, something to make it tangible.
What do you think?
Alt.ambition.die.die.die
Olde Skool title reference today.
I wrote this big long post that was full of funny and wisdom, then erased it, 'cause it sucked, and that is pretty much what this is about.
I could go on a big long journey of self exploration where I bare my soul to the internet in a totally heretofore unheard of display of perfect honesty and forthrightness the likes of which have may never be seen again.Or, I can just say I am feeling like Anakin Skywalker. No not Cool sexy Anakin from episode three. Not even whiny petulant Anakin from episode two. I feel like pathetic life form Anakin from episode one. "I can't do it mom, I just can't do it."
I suppose if I spent more time listening to my L7 (NSFW) I would know what to do with all of those people who fill my head with doubt. I wonder what you do when it is you? Can you put yourself on your own shitlist?
As the target date approaches for my submission of craptacular verbiage to old white money guy, I am more and more convinced it can't be done. I think it was unrealistic to have had the expectations he had in the first place, but I also think this is a cromulant waste of time. (Sorry had a bet that I could fit both craptacular and a simpson's reference into the same thought...yay me)
When I read what I had written it just didn't seem like it was anything of value. Maybe I have unrealistic expectatrions of myself but the fact is, if I am going to try and force people to give me money for something, I want it to be worth their time and money. I am not convinced I have that capability. Oh sure I can entertain a few friends at parties and keep some people's interest online for about 4 minutes, but that is all free stuff. There is a higher standard when people shell out their dough for it.
To that end, I am cancelling my end of this project. I just feel I can't deliver something worth people's $10 in under a month.
Self doubt blows.
I wrote this big long post that was full of funny and wisdom, then erased it, 'cause it sucked, and that is pretty much what this is about.
I could go on a big long journey of self exploration where I bare my soul to the internet in a totally heretofore unheard of display of perfect honesty and forthrightness the likes of which have may never be seen again.Or, I can just say I am feeling like Anakin Skywalker. No not Cool sexy Anakin from episode three. Not even whiny petulant Anakin from episode two. I feel like pathetic life form Anakin from episode one. "I can't do it mom, I just can't do it."
I suppose if I spent more time listening to my L7 (NSFW) I would know what to do with all of those people who fill my head with doubt. I wonder what you do when it is you? Can you put yourself on your own shitlist?
As the target date approaches for my submission of craptacular verbiage to old white money guy, I am more and more convinced it can't be done. I think it was unrealistic to have had the expectations he had in the first place, but I also think this is a cromulant waste of time. (Sorry had a bet that I could fit both craptacular and a simpson's reference into the same thought...yay me)
When I read what I had written it just didn't seem like it was anything of value. Maybe I have unrealistic expectatrions of myself but the fact is, if I am going to try and force people to give me money for something, I want it to be worth their time and money. I am not convinced I have that capability. Oh sure I can entertain a few friends at parties and keep some people's interest online for about 4 minutes, but that is all free stuff. There is a higher standard when people shell out their dough for it.
To that end, I am cancelling my end of this project. I just feel I can't deliver something worth people's $10 in under a month.
Self doubt blows.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Chicks, Girls, Gals, Broads, Ladies and women.
In a statement of what can only be called actual irony (yes I am looking at you Alanis) one of my closest friends informed me that I needed to "roll with a better class of female." This amuses me since at the time of this speech that friend was in fact a female....and to the best of my knowledge she intends to remain that way for the foreseeable future.
Personal attacks on Alanis aside (yes I intend to learn more html code, but before you get uppity, you might want to consider that the next thing I learn is embedding photos....and did you really want me to begin by embedding...teehee Alanis?) this is actually an important statement in life.
I have come to the conclusion that there are 6 types of females in this world (not including sisters, mothers, and aunts....let us just pretend for the sake of argument there are in fact no females we are related to ok...) and the list breaks down somewhat like this....and if I did it right there will be a photo example.
Chicks.
This type of female is characterized by a complete inability to make realistic life choices. They are usually attractive in a superficial way, or they have some sort of character that makes you want to be near them....right up until they say something really, really stupid...which will happen. They are completely self absorbed and will in fact behave in a manner that makes you scratch your head and wonder how they are not dead. In a relationship, which will be purely based on something superficial like money, fame, a nice hindquarters, whatever...they tend to wonder why the drunk guy they love to party with is banging six other chicks...all of whom will answer to the name baby. These are also the girls who take their tops off on video because it seemed like a good idea at the time and then wonder why people call them sluts. It is my learned opinion that unless you want one blissful evening of pumping away at a moaning near lifeless carcass, followed by 7-10 days of anti-biotics, these are the ones to avoid. You will know them by there smell...it precedes them by 5 minutes and cost more than 100 bucks, and it really doesn't turn you on.also, their laugh will clue you in...it is misplaced and always too loud and over the top. Also, if you are not HOT) they most likely won't talk to you, or they will treat you as if you are their gay friend. Unlike the movies though, this class of female never sobers up and realises they have loved you all along. Just run ok.
Girls
I hesitate to use the term immature to describe this class of female simply because most people will be thinking of chicks when I say that. These females simply haven't grown up yet. I don't mean that in the pleasant young at heart sort of way where a female can be all girls and cutesy. I mean the3se females are still playing house and dress-up, only with real people and real babies. This is in fact the kind of female who will poke a hole in a condom to get pregnant so you have to marry her and then build that dream life together. Here comes reality folks, steaming down the tracks....they almost never make good choices. One day they wake up and realise they are with an ass, but lacking adult sophistication they have no idea what to do. These are also the type who are dreamers and always waiting for the better thing. They are not willing to try anything that does not fit in to their perfect little dream world because it doesn't match the Norman Rockwell setting. This type will mature eventually and will realise what they really want; and more importantly that it can't be found in the bad boy drummer or the drunk frat boy, or the abusive stock broker; but this takes time, so you best have patience if you want to wait for this one to catch up. I once watched a dude wait two years for this one girl while she continually made hairbrained choices and went back to her ex and got hurt time and again, until he lost patience. The good news here is that girls are not as superficial as chicks, but you have to fit in to their fantasy or they won't give you the time of day, other than to use you to get their real needs of intimacy, friendship, safety, and security met. This can be very disheartening.
Gals
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These are the world's most common type of female in a sense. You see they are the ones you meet and get along with and become friends with. They see you as a friend, and maybe you did too...at first. Then you realised the secret to life was....be friends first. Only one small problem. You live in Platonia. We all have this guy to thank for that. You see he was the first to walk up to a female and say, hey baby, why don't you and I go behind one of these pillars and philosophise. And the response was, I don't know, your beard is kinda scruffy and you've got an awful lot of sitting around on your backside thinking all day weight. I think it would be best if we just stayed friends. Now instead of saying whatever and moving on to the next female, that guy thought hey, maybe if I stick around she will eventually see how smart, funny, caring, and interesting I am. Heck I am this guy they will remember me forever as a cool dude, she'll have to see it eventually. And thus was born Platonic love. A sad desperate little dance where one female decides not to be mean and say hey, you are ugly to me, even though you possess every trait I say I want in a dude, so we just can't do it, they say, let's be friends. It never works out like that. In the movies you see they eventually realize they are truly meant for each other. As heartwarming as that is, it is not how it happens. What really happens is, dude is placed in friend hell, and one or the other begins to feel bad about the situation. Then one of them pushes the envelope once again because they have become real intimates...and the whole thing goes boom. This female is cool. She is friendly and she likes you because to her, you are completely non threatening. You are all the good things she wants but not in a package that intimidates her or makes her feel uncomfortable. You also might be crazy, but let's assume you aren't. for whatever reason she is not attracted to you so she treats you like a king. You have fun together and you can do things that would normally be hardcore flirting or even foreplay for crying out loud, but because you are buds it isn't for some reason. These are dangerous females. They will hurt you. Not intentionally mind you, 'cause hey they are just one of the guys right? Again...pain!
Broads.
These females are tough, no nonsense career oriented women. They say they do not want kids. They are obsessed with success. The only thing I can say about these females is to stay away from them at all times. Do not approach them. If they want something from you (and they will) they will tell you. Do not upset these females. They are capable of grinding you in to pulp. They are success and goal oriented so if your goals and their line up, they do make good partners, but there will be less emotion involved in your love making than in buying the Lexus.
Ladies.
These are unattainable females folks. They barely exist, and they do not hang out where you do. Ladies are prim and proper. They are experts in manners and sex...no kidding. These are females who are designed to please in every way. Sometimes gals can pretend to be ladies, and when women are in the mood, they easily become ladies, but as a species...or sub species, whatever, these females are a rare sight. Don't believe me? Google image search classy. Then try classy dame. Now count the number of women with half exposed bewbs and spray on tans. Now cry.
Women.
These are the rarest of all females....at least in the unattached variety. These are normal, sane, mature, caring, fun, etc etc females. 99% of them are martried or in a commited relationship. To find one "on the market" is next to impossible. Some scientists believe it is because they have been scared away. Others believe this is the evolved form of life that girls eventially become. Gals also become this, but not with you. Chciks will find it hard to reach this stage of life, and need a lot of help to get there. Broads consider these females beneath them, and Ladies consider them works in progress, but worthy of respect. Women are hard to find, but I am told they are out there. I see examples all the time. My friend Darryl found one, clubbed her over the head and now they are very happy.
I would say my friend was right, because looking back I would have to say, I have never been with (in any sense of the word) a lady or a woman. Hell I never even been propositioned by a broad....guess I just am not ambitious enough for that. All I haver ever done was seek girls, lust after chicks, and just plain be stupid over too many gals.
What a weird way to live huh?
Personal attacks on Alanis aside (yes I intend to learn more html code, but before you get uppity, you might want to consider that the next thing I learn is embedding photos....and did you really want me to begin by embedding...teehee Alanis?) this is actually an important statement in life.
I have come to the conclusion that there are 6 types of females in this world (not including sisters, mothers, and aunts....let us just pretend for the sake of argument there are in fact no females we are related to ok...) and the list breaks down somewhat like this....and if I did it right there will be a photo example.
Chicks.
This type of female is characterized by a complete inability to make realistic life choices. They are usually attractive in a superficial way, or they have some sort of character that makes you want to be near them....right up until they say something really, really stupid...which will happen. They are completely self absorbed and will in fact behave in a manner that makes you scratch your head and wonder how they are not dead. In a relationship, which will be purely based on something superficial like money, fame, a nice hindquarters, whatever...they tend to wonder why the drunk guy they love to party with is banging six other chicks...all of whom will answer to the name baby. These are also the girls who take their tops off on video because it seemed like a good idea at the time and then wonder why people call them sluts. It is my learned opinion that unless you want one blissful evening of pumping away at a moaning near lifeless carcass, followed by 7-10 days of anti-biotics, these are the ones to avoid. You will know them by there smell...it precedes them by 5 minutes and cost more than 100 bucks, and it really doesn't turn you on.also, their laugh will clue you in...it is misplaced and always too loud and over the top. Also, if you are not HOT) they most likely won't talk to you, or they will treat you as if you are their gay friend. Unlike the movies though, this class of female never sobers up and realises they have loved you all along. Just run ok.
Girls
I hesitate to use the term immature to describe this class of female simply because most people will be thinking of chicks when I say that. These females simply haven't grown up yet. I don't mean that in the pleasant young at heart sort of way where a female can be all girls and cutesy. I mean the3se females are still playing house and dress-up, only with real people and real babies. This is in fact the kind of female who will poke a hole in a condom to get pregnant so you have to marry her and then build that dream life together. Here comes reality folks, steaming down the tracks....they almost never make good choices. One day they wake up and realise they are with an ass, but lacking adult sophistication they have no idea what to do. These are also the type who are dreamers and always waiting for the better thing. They are not willing to try anything that does not fit in to their perfect little dream world because it doesn't match the Norman Rockwell setting. This type will mature eventually and will realise what they really want; and more importantly that it can't be found in the bad boy drummer or the drunk frat boy, or the abusive stock broker; but this takes time, so you best have patience if you want to wait for this one to catch up. I once watched a dude wait two years for this one girl while she continually made hairbrained choices and went back to her ex and got hurt time and again, until he lost patience. The good news here is that girls are not as superficial as chicks, but you have to fit in to their fantasy or they won't give you the time of day, other than to use you to get their real needs of intimacy, friendship, safety, and security met. This can be very disheartening.
Gals
These are the world's most common type of female in a sense. You see they are the ones you meet and get along with and become friends with. They see you as a friend, and maybe you did too...at first. Then you realised the secret to life was....be friends first. Only one small problem. You live in Platonia. We all have this guy to thank for that. You see he was the first to walk up to a female and say, hey baby, why don't you and I go behind one of these pillars and philosophise. And the response was, I don't know, your beard is kinda scruffy and you've got an awful lot of sitting around on your backside thinking all day weight. I think it would be best if we just stayed friends. Now instead of saying whatever and moving on to the next female, that guy thought hey, maybe if I stick around she will eventually see how smart, funny, caring, and interesting I am. Heck I am this guy they will remember me forever as a cool dude, she'll have to see it eventually. And thus was born Platonic love. A sad desperate little dance where one female decides not to be mean and say hey, you are ugly to me, even though you possess every trait I say I want in a dude, so we just can't do it, they say, let's be friends. It never works out like that. In the movies you see they eventually realize they are truly meant for each other. As heartwarming as that is, it is not how it happens. What really happens is, dude is placed in friend hell, and one or the other begins to feel bad about the situation. Then one of them pushes the envelope once again because they have become real intimates...and the whole thing goes boom. This female is cool. She is friendly and she likes you because to her, you are completely non threatening. You are all the good things she wants but not in a package that intimidates her or makes her feel uncomfortable. You also might be crazy, but let's assume you aren't. for whatever reason she is not attracted to you so she treats you like a king. You have fun together and you can do things that would normally be hardcore flirting or even foreplay for crying out loud, but because you are buds it isn't for some reason. These are dangerous females. They will hurt you. Not intentionally mind you, 'cause hey they are just one of the guys right? Again...pain!
Broads.
These females are tough, no nonsense career oriented women. They say they do not want kids. They are obsessed with success. The only thing I can say about these females is to stay away from them at all times. Do not approach them. If they want something from you (and they will) they will tell you. Do not upset these females. They are capable of grinding you in to pulp. They are success and goal oriented so if your goals and their line up, they do make good partners, but there will be less emotion involved in your love making than in buying the Lexus.
Ladies.
These are unattainable females folks. They barely exist, and they do not hang out where you do. Ladies are prim and proper. They are experts in manners and sex...no kidding. These are females who are designed to please in every way. Sometimes gals can pretend to be ladies, and when women are in the mood, they easily become ladies, but as a species...or sub species, whatever, these females are a rare sight. Don't believe me? Google image search classy. Then try classy dame. Now count the number of women with half exposed bewbs and spray on tans. Now cry.
Women.
These are the rarest of all females....at least in the unattached variety. These are normal, sane, mature, caring, fun, etc etc females. 99% of them are martried or in a commited relationship. To find one "on the market" is next to impossible. Some scientists believe it is because they have been scared away. Others believe this is the evolved form of life that girls eventially become. Gals also become this, but not with you. Chciks will find it hard to reach this stage of life, and need a lot of help to get there. Broads consider these females beneath them, and Ladies consider them works in progress, but worthy of respect. Women are hard to find, but I am told they are out there. I see examples all the time. My friend Darryl found one, clubbed her over the head and now they are very happy.
I would say my friend was right, because looking back I would have to say, I have never been with (in any sense of the word) a lady or a woman. Hell I never even been propositioned by a broad....guess I just am not ambitious enough for that. All I haver ever done was seek girls, lust after chicks, and just plain be stupid over too many gals.
What a weird way to live huh?
Thursday, June 17, 2010
When Social Justice attacks
I have to start by saying the internet is full of fail today. This blog will be no different. Those who come here expecting to be entertained today will be sadly left with hurt feelings and a sagging funny bone. Today I am putting on my Social commentator hat and wondering WTF?
I started my day with a friendly jaunt through some funny videos. This sounds great at first but in the end, I was left with one unmistakable reality punching me repeatedly in the face. The internet is for porn and swearing. It's ok, that link is not to porn or egregious swearing, it's just me attempting to spice things up with a little multi-media up in here.
What I am going on about is the fact that wherever I went there was talk of porn, links to porn, swearing, lots of swearing and more swearing. As a dude who believes the world is for experiencing and the use of language conveys great and small ideas, you would think this wouldn't bother me so much, but it kinda does. What I mean by that is we have shifted our entertainment in to shock mode exclusively. All I seem to be able to find is seriously vulgar humour. Ok, I can live with this....mostly because it amuses me, but where oh where is the entertainment for others? Where can people go to be entertained and not be grossed out at the same time?
Well here is the problem....while our entertainment is going to one extreme, so is theirs. We have our Kevin Smiths and so on, and they have...well Snark toons or whatever. As we push to our extreme, they push to theirs. I generally blame this on the American political machine and media because in their world there is only black and white, there is no room for healthy debate on any subject.
What bothers me is that we end up with nothing in the middle. No common ground with which to work from or connect with.
That brings me to my main point. Today's newspaper
I must start by saying there is no defense in the world for this woman, and I am not going to even try. Her part in the deaths of at least three people and support of a man accused, if not convicted of a long series of rapes leaves little room for one to justify her actions, so I will not even try. This is not about that, and if even one internet troller attempts to say I support her they will be flamed to the ends of the earth.
That being said, this case puts a tremendous strain on social justice and in fact justice in general. At face value one finds it hard to argue for this person to receive a pardon. But in the end we must examine what pardons are all about.
They are about a person paying their debt to society and attempting to rejoin society in a fashion that allows them some small measure of dignity along with some semblance of benefit to our community as a whole.
The government has decided, through sentencing guidelines and laws what paying a debt to society looks like. We have guidelines for offenses for the purpose of saying, if you injure our community in this way, you will pay in that way.
In this specific case, I understand, since she received a plea bargain for testimony used to convict another person she has technically not served what would normally have been given to a person who injured society in the way she did. That being said, she has, as many others have served her time and is shortly eligible for a dispensation that all Canadians are eligible for.
If there is a problem with the system, then we as a society must voice exactly what that problem is. If it is a problem with a specific case, then we must shut the heck up. why? Because the system is designed not to deal with the individual case so much as what is best for us as a whole. More on that latter.
The proposed legislation in this case is laughable. I say this because it gives even more power to a barely accountable group of individuals to make life altering decisions about other people based on public opinion. This is a travesty of justice.
I say that because public opinion is not only fickle and ever changing, but it is also controlled by the media and social pressure. The media in this and many other cases tends to frame everything in the harshest light to appeal to our most base emotions of self preservation and fear. Want to know more about that? Watch this movie.
What that means is that we can be manipulated in to an emotional response that may or may not be the truth in a situations. What is worse is that this form of social manipulation makes it nearly impossible to voice a contrary opinion.
That is in fact exactly what happened here.
The original legislation suggested would have denied this person pardon. Anyone convicted of 3 indictable offenses would have been denied the ability of applying for a pardon. This would have allowed for this case and any other case to be summarily disposed of without the chance that a number of people in the media or community could have swayed the opinions of the parole board in any way. Essentially we would say to criminals, it is not ok to commit that many serious crimes, and if you do, we are simply warning you now that it will not be tolerated, so offend at your own risk. That I believe is the point of a punitive justice system is it not? Do this, and these are the consequences.
Here's the problem. Not everybody feels that this is a good way of dealing with criminals. That means there was no way the legislation would pass. So there are politicians in this case who obviously feel that the idea was not appropriate.
Flash forward to this specific case. No one wants to be seen as the person that said it was ok for this woman to get a pardon because they know it would be incredibly unpopular, and ensure that they would never be elected again, simply because any election in the future would be based solely on this one issue. I can see the attack adds now. Do you want to vote for the person who let a sex offender and murderer out and free to play with your children? Heck, it is people like me who write the damn things.
That being said, what are we going to do about this political hot potato? I know, let's write a law that says we can deny anyone we want a pardon if we think it might make us look bad. Style over substance. It doesn;t matter what the person did, it only matters if we would lose q rating if we did it.
We are allowing people to make decisions based on popularity and public perception, not on facts or what is right or wrong.
This is the very essence of what I was talking about earlier. We are entertained in many different ways, we are shown messages constantly, but all we tend to see are the messages that stand out. Those messages that live at one extreme of the spectrum or the other, and we then tend to be pushed around by the emotion of the situation, forgetting that real lives, real people are effected by these things in ways we insulate ourselves from.
I can't admit that I find SMODcast funny for fear that someone will judge me for it based on their own beliefs or taste.
Likewise, I can't admit that I disagree with this legislation as it stands is a gross miscarriage of justice for fear that someone will say I support this woman. Hell no I don't support rape and murder, and anyone that would suggest I do doesn't know me, or even the character I play on the internet.
What I do support is a justice system free of pressure from the whims of public opinion. A justice system that seeks redemption and rehabilitation. A justice system that says, we don't like what you did, so here's a time out, and now here are some supports to allow you to return in some fashion to society in a way that is better for everyone involved while protecting those that need protection.
But then again, I am just a porn loving, fart joke spewing, mad, frustrated writer, social activist with too much time on his hands.
I started my day with a friendly jaunt through some funny videos. This sounds great at first but in the end, I was left with one unmistakable reality punching me repeatedly in the face. The internet is for porn and swearing. It's ok, that link is not to porn or egregious swearing, it's just me attempting to spice things up with a little multi-media up in here.
What I am going on about is the fact that wherever I went there was talk of porn, links to porn, swearing, lots of swearing and more swearing. As a dude who believes the world is for experiencing and the use of language conveys great and small ideas, you would think this wouldn't bother me so much, but it kinda does. What I mean by that is we have shifted our entertainment in to shock mode exclusively. All I seem to be able to find is seriously vulgar humour. Ok, I can live with this....mostly because it amuses me, but where oh where is the entertainment for others? Where can people go to be entertained and not be grossed out at the same time?
Well here is the problem....while our entertainment is going to one extreme, so is theirs. We have our Kevin Smiths and so on, and they have...well Snark toons or whatever. As we push to our extreme, they push to theirs. I generally blame this on the American political machine and media because in their world there is only black and white, there is no room for healthy debate on any subject.
What bothers me is that we end up with nothing in the middle. No common ground with which to work from or connect with.
That brings me to my main point. Today's newspaper
I must start by saying there is no defense in the world for this woman, and I am not going to even try. Her part in the deaths of at least three people and support of a man accused, if not convicted of a long series of rapes leaves little room for one to justify her actions, so I will not even try. This is not about that, and if even one internet troller attempts to say I support her they will be flamed to the ends of the earth.
That being said, this case puts a tremendous strain on social justice and in fact justice in general. At face value one finds it hard to argue for this person to receive a pardon. But in the end we must examine what pardons are all about.
They are about a person paying their debt to society and attempting to rejoin society in a fashion that allows them some small measure of dignity along with some semblance of benefit to our community as a whole.
The government has decided, through sentencing guidelines and laws what paying a debt to society looks like. We have guidelines for offenses for the purpose of saying, if you injure our community in this way, you will pay in that way.
In this specific case, I understand, since she received a plea bargain for testimony used to convict another person she has technically not served what would normally have been given to a person who injured society in the way she did. That being said, she has, as many others have served her time and is shortly eligible for a dispensation that all Canadians are eligible for.
If there is a problem with the system, then we as a society must voice exactly what that problem is. If it is a problem with a specific case, then we must shut the heck up. why? Because the system is designed not to deal with the individual case so much as what is best for us as a whole. More on that latter.
The proposed legislation in this case is laughable. I say this because it gives even more power to a barely accountable group of individuals to make life altering decisions about other people based on public opinion. This is a travesty of justice.
I say that because public opinion is not only fickle and ever changing, but it is also controlled by the media and social pressure. The media in this and many other cases tends to frame everything in the harshest light to appeal to our most base emotions of self preservation and fear. Want to know more about that? Watch this movie.
What that means is that we can be manipulated in to an emotional response that may or may not be the truth in a situations. What is worse is that this form of social manipulation makes it nearly impossible to voice a contrary opinion.
That is in fact exactly what happened here.
The original legislation suggested would have denied this person pardon. Anyone convicted of 3 indictable offenses would have been denied the ability of applying for a pardon. This would have allowed for this case and any other case to be summarily disposed of without the chance that a number of people in the media or community could have swayed the opinions of the parole board in any way. Essentially we would say to criminals, it is not ok to commit that many serious crimes, and if you do, we are simply warning you now that it will not be tolerated, so offend at your own risk. That I believe is the point of a punitive justice system is it not? Do this, and these are the consequences.
Here's the problem. Not everybody feels that this is a good way of dealing with criminals. That means there was no way the legislation would pass. So there are politicians in this case who obviously feel that the idea was not appropriate.
Flash forward to this specific case. No one wants to be seen as the person that said it was ok for this woman to get a pardon because they know it would be incredibly unpopular, and ensure that they would never be elected again, simply because any election in the future would be based solely on this one issue. I can see the attack adds now. Do you want to vote for the person who let a sex offender and murderer out and free to play with your children? Heck, it is people like me who write the damn things.
That being said, what are we going to do about this political hot potato? I know, let's write a law that says we can deny anyone we want a pardon if we think it might make us look bad. Style over substance. It doesn;t matter what the person did, it only matters if we would lose q rating if we did it.
We are allowing people to make decisions based on popularity and public perception, not on facts or what is right or wrong.
This is the very essence of what I was talking about earlier. We are entertained in many different ways, we are shown messages constantly, but all we tend to see are the messages that stand out. Those messages that live at one extreme of the spectrum or the other, and we then tend to be pushed around by the emotion of the situation, forgetting that real lives, real people are effected by these things in ways we insulate ourselves from.
I can't admit that I find SMODcast funny for fear that someone will judge me for it based on their own beliefs or taste.
Likewise, I can't admit that I disagree with this legislation as it stands is a gross miscarriage of justice for fear that someone will say I support this woman. Hell no I don't support rape and murder, and anyone that would suggest I do doesn't know me, or even the character I play on the internet.
What I do support is a justice system free of pressure from the whims of public opinion. A justice system that seeks redemption and rehabilitation. A justice system that says, we don't like what you did, so here's a time out, and now here are some supports to allow you to return in some fashion to society in a way that is better for everyone involved while protecting those that need protection.
But then again, I am just a porn loving, fart joke spewing, mad, frustrated writer, social activist with too much time on his hands.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
I Have Too Much Time On My Hands
Georgia in for a Rough Ride
By: Chris Parker, OMM News Contributor.
Authorities in Georgia are bracing for an early start to the huricane season this year. According to scientist Blake Smarterthanu an early start to the season means people are unprepared in Atlanta and the outlying regions. "With little to no warning that we are about to be hit by a devastating storm, the people of Atlanta could face tremendous pressure to deal with something they have never seen before."
One such storm is headed their way according to reports we have received. This storm, which has been dubbed Hurricane Alley is expected to reach Atlanta sometime today and brings with it the full force of terror and dread for the citizens who were not informed of such an arrival until early this morning via facebook.
Experts, who asked not to be named, are suggesting that this storm might be worse than first predicted yesterday. "Carrying with it hot air that can travel upwards of 120 miles per hour and devastating rains and even large heavy objects thrown around randomly at their cities less intelligent inhabitants, the potential for disaster is great!"
Authorities are no cautioning the people of Atlanta to stay indoors as much as possible and avoid this storm. Further warnings have been issued to any stores carrying track suits, hoodies, shoes and sterlite containers as it has been rumoured that this storm has a particular attraction to those items.
Meteorologist Sunny Dayze spoke with me about the threat. "We could see polyester and plastic flying everywhere, I am very afraid, will you hold me in your big strong arms?"
Whatever this storm has in store for the region, you can be assured that Atlanta will never be the same after today. The people will have to try and pick up their lives as best they can with the understanding that you never quite recover from this sort of thing.The potential for destruction on a mass scale is one that will be felt for sure in this zone.
We can only hope that hurricane Alley decides to be gentle, and no one tempts fate by laughing in the face of this danger.
I have way too much time on my hands that I am obviously spending very wisely.
By: Chris Parker, OMM News Contributor.
Authorities in Georgia are bracing for an early start to the huricane season this year. According to scientist Blake Smarterthanu an early start to the season means people are unprepared in Atlanta and the outlying regions. "With little to no warning that we are about to be hit by a devastating storm, the people of Atlanta could face tremendous pressure to deal with something they have never seen before."
One such storm is headed their way according to reports we have received. This storm, which has been dubbed Hurricane Alley is expected to reach Atlanta sometime today and brings with it the full force of terror and dread for the citizens who were not informed of such an arrival until early this morning via facebook.
Experts, who asked not to be named, are suggesting that this storm might be worse than first predicted yesterday. "Carrying with it hot air that can travel upwards of 120 miles per hour and devastating rains and even large heavy objects thrown around randomly at their cities less intelligent inhabitants, the potential for disaster is great!"
Authorities are no cautioning the people of Atlanta to stay indoors as much as possible and avoid this storm. Further warnings have been issued to any stores carrying track suits, hoodies, shoes and sterlite containers as it has been rumoured that this storm has a particular attraction to those items.
Meteorologist Sunny Dayze spoke with me about the threat. "We could see polyester and plastic flying everywhere, I am very afraid, will you hold me in your big strong arms?"
Whatever this storm has in store for the region, you can be assured that Atlanta will never be the same after today. The people will have to try and pick up their lives as best they can with the understanding that you never quite recover from this sort of thing.The potential for destruction on a mass scale is one that will be felt for sure in this zone.
We can only hope that hurricane Alley decides to be gentle, and no one tempts fate by laughing in the face of this danger.
I have way too much time on my hands that I am obviously spending very wisely.
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